Saturday, January 09, 2010

Feeling lonely?


Suffering from pangs of loneliness??? There was a time when I did not know what to do when I felt lonely. Couple of years from that state of mind, now I know I have transformed the negative loneliness into positive solitude and that is something I cherish so much, its the "me" time I cannot do without any single day. So any day if you feel lonely, your next thought should be to do something you enjoy doing, maybe something that you wanted to learn from a long time, a class of classical music or a driving lesson.Go for a walk all by yourself, go do your chores. Pamper yourself, get a pedicure or a manicure or got get yourself a hep outfit. Now this activity need not necessarily involve spending money :D. For instance, I personally am very content spending time given a good broadband connection and a laptop. 
          


Now you would say all this is easier said than done. And you would not always have the motivation and drive to get that thing done. After all man is a social animal and you do need social interaction, a group of friends sometime. In that case, call up a friend, catch up with a friend over a cup of coffee, go for a movie..there are so many activities you can do with a friend. Its hard to come out of your shell, but do give yourself a push a day or two.I know I know you may not always also have the drive to call up a friend. That part I myself find very difficult, taking the initiative. 

Another key to driving away loneliness is engaging yourself, preoccupying yourself in an activity you enjoy doing. Now there is an ocean of options when it comes to learning something. Even a Google search on the Internet gives you thousands of results.One of the other things that also helped me to be comfortable in my solitude was the feeling that I cannot always be dependent on any person for anything. This one feeling helped me immensely in becoming independent and instilled a fearlessness, now I do not need any company for anything. I can shop alone, explore alone, do anything alone on this earth.
I discovered a new freedom in myself. A new independence. A new me. And all that came from my "me time".


But let me confess one thing that I still need to overcome. In spite of enjoying time alone, and engaging myself, when the loneliness factor is very strong, I avoid going to crowded places. I have never understood, but I know maybe its human psychology that when you feel lonely, the whole of the world appears to you having some sort of company, you always see couples roaming in your vicinity or a happy group of friends laughing away and your misery is aggravated. May be this can be over come by thinking that its just a phase, a temporary feeling.


Now I am not being preachy here but just sharing my thoughts on something I have experience in-numerous times. Being lonely is no doubt a herculean task but once we start breaking out of the chains of loneliness and the metamorphosis of loneliness into solitude begins, we will be a more happier and sane person and believe it or not we will experience a lot of self-development.

“Language... has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone.” Paul Tillich




Do you have any tips or suggestions that you can share on how to overcome loneliness??


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19 comments:

Gyanban said...

Loneliness is a good thing if you make the most of it, because if accompaniment is not to your liking then it actually get really lonely.!

UnboundSpirit said...

Gyanban, right you are. But who does not like having a companion?At some times, you do need someone to talk to, and if not talk, you do need a presence of the 2nd person. And yes, I think loneliness ceases to be if you make the most of it.

Thanks for your insightful comment!

Kevin Rodrigues said...

And I thought I was the only one suffering from this :) Goes to show that this is a common phenomenon. There are times when I do feel lonely. My way of getting out of it is to get involved in something like blogging which takes your mind off it. It is so true that when you feel lonely, the world seems to be having great company and enjoying it. In this busy world, it is quite troublesome to find that mythical friend who will sit with you, not speak a word and at the end both have understood each other.

UnboundSpirit said...

Kevin, Most of the times when we feel miserable, we also feel that we are the only ones having all the pain and sorrow in the world when the fact is once in a while all of us tend to feel down or lonely.

I too share your way of deviating my mind and driving away loneliness by blogging. I find it a very constructive way of killing time as well.

About friends, I think if you find that one friend whose definition matches the one you have mentioned, then you are lucky :)

Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a comment!

@ngshu said...

"People who want to reach the top of a mountain are always lonely as they are going where none else is" ~@ngshu :)
take care & keep in touch...

Sibyl - alternaview said...

Very interesting topic Heena and I think you made some great suggestions about dealing with loneliness. I think one helpful approach is to do what you mentioned in terms of appreciating the time to yourself. We really can change the way we are viewing experiences by recognizing the value instead of focusing on everything we dislike about those times when we are alone. It's not that we just pretend to be happy, but rather that we honestly look at our time alone from a different perspective and start being able to see the good things that come from it.

UnboundSpirit said...

Angshu, Thats a nice quote but I guess while climbing to the top, you might make some friends and also try to keep them cause you don't want to feel lonely :) Anyways I do agree that it might become lonely at the top...Thanks for your comment!

UnboundSpirit said...

Thanks for visiting my blog Sibyl :) So rightly said, once we realize the significance of the alone time that we have and we know how to utilise it effectively, our problem is solved. Helps us to gain a positive outlook towards everything in life.

Thanks again for your comment!

Psych Babbler said...

This is an interesting post. I go through phases of loneliness and not liking it but at other times I am perfectly fine being by myself. It helps that I am an introvert. I think as you said, it gets tougher when you see other couples or groups. I have my group of friends who I absolutely love but I think seeing couples hurts a lot more since I became single a year ago. But you are right in the number of things that can be done. I tried some last year and aim to do a lot more this year including joining evening classes to learn a language, joining social groups online where they have meetups every now and then...so hopefully, it will help with the loneliness.

UnboundSpirit said...

Hello Psych,

Just read your post Not a girly girl :) I think girls might be jealous of you wondering how you can make such conversation with guys..Usually guys would be just nodding to what girls say :D But for you am sure it would be a 2-way conversation!

I agree with you when you say being an introvert helps in loneliness. I myself am not very outgoing, but at times crave for a little company,now and then I think we all do. A little attention, a little conversation can do wonders with our mood and personality.

Grass is always greener on the other side my friend. Thats why we always feel we are on the less greener side :D

Thanks for your comment!Keep visiting!

Heena

Shivanand PB said...

Hi,
I feel at some point or the other every one goes to such a phase. Yes initially its a bit hard. But once when one gets in terms with things they would really enjoy the time you get for yourselves.

It is in these times that one really learns about himself his likes and dislikes.

Anyways nice post cheers...

UnboundSpirit said...

@Shivanand, So right the lone time helps us to understand ourself better. Thanks for your comment!

qqwe said...

i really so much to talk,,so much to share,,but i am supposed to be smiling n happy n active,,really very tough,,,even though i have been through this once in my life but again!!!

wanttobeloved:)( said...

Your words were exactly my condition, which i cannot describe:)(.When I look at all he people around me having fun, I feel so left out, sometimes.At those times I have thought, why wasn't I born a person like one of them...Right now, I know I have become stronger than before, but u know those miserable times are still there:)(.I mostly feel that I bore the person next to me with my talking and all. It hurts me but yaa i go on with life! I have to learn to accept what I am. And yaa i do have my share of times, when happiness knows no bounds occasionally, when I am also part of a group chatting, laughing, doing naughty things, having fun:))!This and the fact that my family is always there for me is what keeps me going...

wanttobeloved:)( said...

Your words were exactly my condition, which i cannot describe:)(.When I look at all he people around me having fun, I feel so left out, sometimes.At those times I have thought, why wasn't I born a person like one of them...Right now, I know I have become stronger than before, but u know those miserable times are still there:)(.I mostly feel that I bore the person next to me with my talking and all. It hurts me but yaa i go on with life! I have to learn to accept what I am. And yaa i do have my share of times, when happiness knows no bounds occasionally, when I am also part of a group chatting, laughing, doing naughty things, having fun:))!This and the fact that my family is always there for me is what keeps me going...

Yatin said...

hey Thanks a lot.... felt pretty good after reading all the stuff....
Thanks for sharing your thoughts....

I'll try some of them....

Thank You so much.... :)

pinks22 said...

hey i am prachi 19years old from India.i recently had a break up with my bf........... i love him soooo much:( life seems soo empty and lonely without him :( u know no morning wishes no good night kisses :'( no hangouts :'( i don't know what to do how to live again :'( i am feeling soooo dead he was sooooo special to me :'( please help me how to get over my depression :(

pinks22 said...

please help :(

sensational sainath said...

Loneliness is not because no one understood u , it's because u have understood urself better than u .