Many times in our day-to-day lives, we come across situations which agitate us, which directly impact us and hence, we react to such situations. Humans are emotional, sensitive creatures. When emotions are affected, we humans react, its but human to react. We lash out in anger or frustration because we are not in our emotional equilibrium. We are emotionally disturbed, vulnerable.
Now none of us are saintly creatures, its natural to react when someone hurts you or speaks offending words. But does reacting or lashing out help or does it make the situation worse?? Do you feel better after venting out your feelings or do you end up feeling miserable?? Does the situation end in a cordial way or does it end in a hostile way??
Let us see how we can handle difficult situations like these which tend to shake us and ruin our pacified self:
-- Monitor your emotions like a watchman Observe yourself like a 3rd person. When someone speaks hurtful words, stirs your emotions, what kind of thoughts come in your mind. What do you experience? hate, disrespect, anger, hurt and see these emotions come and pass through you. Try to analyse yourself as to why you are experiencing these emotions, learn to control and condition yourself to be calm and cool. So that next time when in the same situation, you know how to pacify yourself. Introspection in the very simple of words.
-- Keep your expectation levels low Expectations is the root cause of all unhappiness. When I expect a certain good behaviour from a certain someone, and when I do not see that coming, I feel extremely hurt and offended. Why did I raise my expectations about the other person?? I should keep to my region of influence, why should I try to raise my expectations over something that I do not have control over. As Stephen Covey rightly states in "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People", the Habit 1 which is to be proactive."Proactive people focus their efforts on the things over which they have influence, and in the process often expand their area of influence. Reactive people often focus their efforts on areas of concern over which they have no control. Their complaining and negative energy tend to shrink their circle of influence." Words of such profound meaning and so rightly said.
Let us see how we can handle difficult situations like these which tend to shake us and ruin our pacified self:
-- Monitor your emotions like a watchman Observe yourself like a 3rd person. When someone speaks hurtful words, stirs your emotions, what kind of thoughts come in your mind. What do you experience? hate, disrespect, anger, hurt and see these emotions come and pass through you. Try to analyse yourself as to why you are experiencing these emotions, learn to control and condition yourself to be calm and cool. So that next time when in the same situation, you know how to pacify yourself. Introspection in the very simple of words.
-- Keep your expectation levels low Expectations is the root cause of all unhappiness. When I expect a certain good behaviour from a certain someone, and when I do not see that coming, I feel extremely hurt and offended. Why did I raise my expectations about the other person?? I should keep to my region of influence, why should I try to raise my expectations over something that I do not have control over. As Stephen Covey rightly states in "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People", the Habit 1 which is to be proactive."Proactive people focus their efforts on the things over which they have influence, and in the process often expand their area of influence. Reactive people often focus their efforts on areas of concern over which they have no control. Their complaining and negative energy tend to shrink their circle of influence." Words of such profound meaning and so rightly said.
-- Walk Away No its not cowardice, you are just staging a walkout to get away from your negative emotions. Why do people often say "Leave me alone" when they are upset about something. Isolation from the problematic situation or person does help. That does not mean you cut off yourself from him/her. No it does not mean a communication gap. It just means insulating yourself for a short period of time or the time span you need for cooling down from your pent-up emotions.
-- Write a diary Instead of lashing out verbally, instead of saying harsh words which can never be taken back, write! Write your heart out. Writing provides the necessary vent to your lava of emotions. Its a healthy habit, and if you do not want anyone putting hands on your diary, write and dispose of those writings. After all, you yourself would not want to be reminded of how you felt when you wrote a particular angry note in your diary.
-- Meditate Meditation relaxes your body, mind not to mention the various other benefits it has. The simplest form of meditation is 3 step and can be done for 10 minutes or so a) close your eyes and breathe normally b) concentrate on your breathing c) if your mind wanders and some thoughts pass through your mind, just be mindful of them and return back to concentrate on your breathing. Meditation in my opinion is any activity that you do with single-handed attention and focus.
Do you have any other points that you would like to share on how to remain cool and not react. You are more than welcome to share the same.
