The comfort zone of Routine

Most of you, especially people working in the Software/IT industry would fully understand the meaning of Routine or mundaneness or the usual grind of things. The same 5 days of work, 2 days of weekend and while true the loop continues, unless of course you throw an exception ( Pardon me for this piece can only be understood by Java coders mostly)

Mostly people are expressing their unhappiness over the usual routine, how things do not change. But in the real sense, we are more or less slaves to this very routine as in it, we form our comfort zone, a cocoon of familiar things, stuff or work we can do because we have done it countless number of times. After all, Aristotle said "Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.”, said simply yet so profound and true.

Well, you might excel in a particular job because now you have grown accustomed to doing it. Just like you have this habit of brushing your teeth everyday. But doesn't this sort of block out the myriad other stuff you can learn or you can do? Have you experienced a mental block while trying out a new job or task assigned to you?? 

Well, All I am trying to imply is that we need to break out of our comfort zones, out of our time table like lives now and then and dare to try out some novel things, it maybe a new job at office, an adventurous activity on the weekend or even try learning a new language for that matter. 

Its important that we come out of our inertia like state and move on to things we are more capable of, experience newer horizons and opportunities ( Yeah I know what is coming to your mind now, job hunting? :D ) 

Soaking up the new stuff might take time, or maybe even a toll on you. But once you have assimilated the new, it would definitely bring about a change in you, your personality. Some of us might end up feeling more confident and the best of all, it would be a brain exercise, a good activity for the grey cells to live longer.

“You have to risk going too far to discover just how far you can really go.”

T.S. Eliot

PS: This was an endeavor from my side to break out of my inertia of not writing. It had been long and I thought, well this is the thought to write on..Welcome your comments!!

Angry? Let it out, Express!

Well, this post comes after an anger venting session for me. Personally, I know it does not feel too good to be angry or rather remaining angry. That is why I say "Let it out" 

When I am angry, I tend to experience this shakiness and especially when am expressing my anger aggressively. I am sure many of you must have experienced that state. But does that mean we are weak and are not able to endure the anger, the fury? No I guess. Its quite an unexplainable condition though, sometimes anger lead me to tears, at other times like now I feel good, better, stable,sane to have let it out although the moment of anger is quite  negative and self-hurting also. 

But when I was right and the other person wrong, why should I take their crap? Ain't that pure abuse? I mean come on, I should be able to take my stand, defend myself, not stay mute like a cow and endure anything.Some people are sadists, they want to take you for granted, take advantage of your timidness, don't let them please!! Its not altogether a cruel world out there, but you tend to find all kind of species. Me for one have found quite a variety and have not been very happy with my findings :|

Coming back to anger,why should I hold it in when it should be out there. Why should I be suffocating over something thats not worth it. I agree its not always good to let it out. But its unhealthier to let it stay in. Expression is the key. Blurt it out man, its no use keeping it inside you, where its going to live like a parasite and slowly take you in. Suppressed anger or even suppressed plain thoughts can come out in other devastating and perturbing forms like Depression.

And I strongly believe that people who do not accept its their mistake over whatever happened, give it to them their way. Well, Gandhiji said if someone slaps you on one cheek, put forward another cheek. I mean no  disrespect to the Father of the Nation but am sure if he were in our world today (in some avatar :) ) he would agree to the fact that, that formula is long obsolete. I believe in "जैसे को तैसा " और भाई क्यूँ नहीं? और अगर मैंने कुछ गलत किया ही नहीं तो फिर मैं क्यूँ सहूँ?

My father always says "What cannot be cured has to be endured" While there is some truth in it, I do not agree with it in totality. After all I also have a threshold and when I am past my threshold, there will definitely be an outburst. Outburst is good, expression is good. Yes we may tend to say cruel, mindless stuff to others, but hell, I believe in apologizing if I have said something wrong. That doesn't make me any lesser of a good person. Anger to come out in much more controlled way could take a little practice, letting it out is important.

Speak out and you will definitely feel "Aal izz Well" later :D :D And btw you should also watch Anger management :D :D

Don't let the sun go down in anger.

We have an assignment, a destiny and a purpose.

Don't let anything block your sun.

Wake to a new sunrise. 

Angel Cher

Source Credit

 

Feeling lonely?

Suffering from pangs of loneliness??? There was a time when I did not know what to do when I felt lonely. Couple of years from that state of mind, now I know I have transformed the negative loneliness into positive solitude and that is something I cherish so much, its the "me" time I cannot do without any single day. So any day if you feel lonely, your next thought should be to do something you enjoy doing, maybe something that you wanted to learn from a long time, a class of classical music or a driving lesson.Go for a walk all by yourself, go do your chores. Pamper yourself, get a pedicure or a manicure or got get yourself a hep outfit. Now this activity need not necessarily involve spending money :D. For instance, I personally am very content spending time given a good broadband connection and a laptop. 

          

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Now you would say all this is easier said than done. And you would not always have the motivation and drive to get that thing done. After all man is a social animal and you do need social interaction, a group of friends sometime. In that case, call up a friend, catch up with a friend over a cup of coffee, go for a movie..there are so many activities you can do with a friend. Its hard to come out of your shell, but do give yourself a push a day or two.I know I know you may not always also have the drive to call up a friend. That part I myself find very difficult, taking the initiative. 

Another key to driving away loneliness is engaging yourself, preoccupying yourself in an activity you enjoy doing. Now there is an ocean of options when it comes to learning something. Even a Google search on the Internet gives you thousands of results.One of the other things that also helped me to be comfortable in my solitude was the feeling that I cannot always be dependent on any person for anything. This one feeling helped me immensely in becoming independent and instilled a fearlessness, now I do not need any company for anything. I can shop alone, explore alone, do anything alone on this earth.

I discovered a new freedom in myself. A new independence. A new me. And all that came from my "me time".

But let me confess one thing that I still need to overcome. In spite of enjoying time alone, and engaging myself, when the loneliness factor is very strong, I avoid going to crowded places. I have never understood, but I know maybe its human psychology that when you feel lonely, the whole of the world appears to you having some sort of company, you always see couples roaming in your vicinity or a happy group of friends laughing away and your misery is aggravated. May be this can be over come by thinking that its just a phase, a temporary feeling.

Now I am not being preachy here but just sharing my thoughts on something I have experience in-numerous times. Being lonely is no doubt a herculean task but once we start breaking out of the chains of loneliness and the metamorphosis of loneliness into solitude begins, we will be a more happier and sane person and believe it or not we will experience a lot of self-development.

“Language... has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone.” Paul Tillich

Do you have any tips or suggestions that you can share on how to overcome loneliness??


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How to use Holiday time to rejuvenate || New Year Resolutions

All of us need a break once in a while to re-energize ourselves, to break out of the mundaneness of everyday life and enjoy some leisure. And this is quite important as a very simple adage goes "All Work and no Play makes Jack a dull boy" unless you are a workaholic :D Well, the key to feeling invigorated is to use the time at hand in an optimum way and to make the most of it in a constructive way.

With the New Year ready to ring in, its the best time to "Ring out the old" and "Ring in the New". Simply speaking, its a time for some New Year Resolutions and resolutions that are not made namesake but ones that can be really kept. Anything and everything is doable only when we try to make small commitments to ourselves, something I have talked about in one of my previous posts "One Step at a Time". And what is a New Year without any novelty or nascence.

These are some New Year Resolutions or alternatively how I want to use my holiday time to re-invent a new me 

Health Well this is going to be a very common resolution for most of us. Now I chose to write health because I would not want to mention weight loss, rather I would like to stress on general fitness. Taking charge of my health is the top of my list now. Well, as part of this resolution, my doable action is "To do at least 30 minutes of physical activity at least 3 times a week" If am not able to hit the gym , I am going to try to compensate that with a 30 minute brisk walk :)

Saving With our high tech lifestyles and the cost of living going up day by day, there is a dire need to save for the benefit of our future. While most of our generation believes in leading a lavish lifestyle, the recent recession has brought us to our senses and has made clear the importance of having a rainy day fund. We should make an effort to save 10% of our take home income every month. Cut down on the unnecessary expenses, impulsive shopping sprees and buy our very own piggy bank. I am not joking, I do have my own piggy bank shaped in the form of a baseball. And when ever I remember to, I put a note or two in it. I have resolved to make minimalism a habit.

Cherish Love To love and being loved, none of them should be taken for granted. Hug a loved one, do something for them to show them that you care. Spend some value time with your parents, gift a nice something to your husband or wife to show that you appreciate them. Small things that count so much in life. Just a little effort for someone you love, to cherish their love.

Smile Start the day with a smile. Think on waking up "Its going to be a good day". Believe it or not it works. Builds up positive energy and even if the day doesn't go well, a smile gives you the strength to handle it, to stand strong in difficult times. After all, it costs nothing to smile.


What are your new year resolutions for 2010?? Do share your interesting thoughts here..I have kept my list short so that I can keep them :) But you are welcome to add yours..

How not to react to situations and stay calm

Many times in our day-to-day lives, we come across situations which agitate us, which directly impact us and hence, we react to such situations. Humans are emotional, sensitive creatures. When emotions are affected, we humans react, its but human to react. We lash out in anger or frustration because we are not in our emotional equilibrium. We are emotionally disturbed, vulnerable.

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Now none of us are saintly creatures, its natural to react when someone hurts you or speaks offending words. But does reacting or lashing out help or does it make the situation worse?? Do you feel better after venting out your feelings or do you end up feeling miserable?? Does the situation end in a cordial way or does it end in a hostile way??

Let us see how we can handle difficult situations like these which tend to shake us and ruin our pacified self:

-- Monitor your emotions like a watchman Observe yourself like a 3rd person. When someone speaks hurtful words, stirs your emotions, what kind of thoughts come in your mind. What do you experience? hate, disrespect, anger, hurt and see these emotions come and pass through you. Try to analyse yourself as to why you are experiencing these emotions, learn to control and condition yourself to be calm and cool. So that next time when in the same situation, you know how to pacify yourself. Introspection in the very simple of words.

-- Keep your expectation levels low Expectations is the root cause of all unhappiness. When I expect a certain good behaviour from a certain someone, and when I do not see that coming, I feel extremely hurt and offended. Why did I raise my expectations about the other person?? I should keep to my region of influence, why should I try to raise my expectations over something that I do not have control over. As Stephen Covey rightly states in "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People", the Habit 1 which is to be proactive."Proactive people focus their efforts on the things over which they have influence, and in the process often expand their area of influence. Reactive people often focus their efforts on areas of concern over which they have no control. Their complaining and negative energy tend to shrink their circle of influence." Words of such profound meaning and so rightly said.

-- Walk Away No its not cowardice, you are just staging a walkout to get away from your negative emotions. Why do people often say "Leave me alone" when they are upset about something. Isolation from the problematic situation or person does help. That does not mean you cut off yourself from him/her. No it does not mean a communication gap. It just means insulating yourself for a short period of time or the time span you need for cooling down from your pent-up emotions.

-- Write a diary Instead of lashing out verbally, instead of saying harsh words which can never be taken back, write! Write your heart out. Writing provides the necessary vent to your lava of emotions. Its a healthy habit, and if you do not want anyone putting hands on your diary, write and dispose of those writings. After all, you yourself would not want to be reminded of how you felt when you wrote a particular angry note in your diary.

-- Meditate Meditation relaxes your body, mind not to mention the various other benefits it has. The simplest form of meditation is 3 step and can be done for 10 minutes or so a) close your eyes and breathe normally b) concentrate on your breathing c) if your mind wanders and some thoughts pass through your mind, just be mindful of them and return back to concentrate on your breathing. Meditation in my opinion is any activity that you do with single-handed attention and focus.

Do you have any other points that you would like to share on how to remain cool and not react. You are more than welcome to share the same.

Waiting..

Is too much anticipation right? Does it keep rekindling the fire of your cravings for a particular event to happen? Or does it leave you anxious and negatively excited as to what will happen when finally the much awaited event occurs.Lets see how we can perceive the word "Waiting"

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&& We all are or have been waiting for some event or for some person in our life to turn up. Waiting in turn builds up expectations, and too much expectation is not in the right spirit. I am waiting for my friend to call me and she is waiting for me to call her. Both of us have the expectation that the other will call, thats not right and can lead to ego issues and misunderstandings between people.

&& Waiting can be deemed analogous to procrastinating as well. Am waiting for my friend to arrive so that we can begin studying on a particular topic. This is not right because I in this case am dependent on my friend and I am not taking the initiative to begin studies myself. I am waiting for my manager to call me and assign me a job. I should be proactive enough to go and ask for a task myself if I have nothing on my plate.

&& Yes waiting in the right sense would be to wait for a friend to give him/her support. Lend a hand so that the other doesn't trip over. That waiting would fall under a positive category. But me being the counterpart should not wait for the other to lend a hand, that would be wrong since I would be soaring my expectations for the other. While its easier said than done, keeping your expectations low is very much possible. If I have a petty quarrel with one of my mates, instead of expecting him/her to say sorry, I should analyze my own behavior and go forward and apologize if I am at fault rather than groping for the other persons' mistakes.

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. - Barrack Obama

I also believe in the power of NOW, everything that is, is in the now as I have mentioned in one of my previous posts Life

&& Waiting can also be an another plus. It would mean being patient, I have worked hard but still not got the much awaited promotion. In that case, I am waiting and being more patient. Yes, but it never pays to be over-patient. One needs to raise a voice against any wrong-doing being done to them.

You can't wait for inspiration.
You have to go after it with a club.- Jack London

One might wonder, why the post! My answer would be, my musings about how a particular word can be perceived in multiple ways. And how so many words can be used to describe the context of a single word. 

The ability to express oneself is such a gift which everyone should exercise! Hence, my perceptions..

Life

Our lives are made up of million moments,

spent in a million different ways.

Some are spent searching for love,peace and harmony.

Others are spent surviving day to day.

But there is no greater moment than

when we find that life,

with all its joys n sorrows,

is meant to be lived one day at a time.

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I got this as a Good Morning mail  from one of my friends and found it to be profoundly meaningful.

Rejoice, cherish the moments of joy. Stand firm in face of sorrows and difficult times. But do not forget to be "in the moment". Whether, it be joy or sorrow, realize its in the now. Regretting about the past or worrying about the future will not benefit in any way and will only perturb the mind.

Someone has said it correctly. Life is like an ice-cream, eat it before it melts. We have only one life, then why shouldn't we make the most of it. Why don't we begin today by simply doing the following

/**  Love our dear ones, let them know how much we care.

/**  Exercise daily and be healthy.

/**  Think good positive thoughts.

/**  Help the needy.

/**  Set realistic goals and strive to achieve them.

/**  Simply smile. It costs nothing to smile.

/**  Appreciate nature and the way God created it.

/**  Innovate,Learn something new.

/**  Make friends, read good books.

/**  Relax, listen to some good music.

You do not require to be wealthy or knowledgeable to enjoy life's precious moments. All that is needed is the realization that we are entitled to all that life gives and takes in its full magnitude.Why then should we let it go? Start every day anew and live to its fullest.

Would you like to add any other ways in which you would like to enjoy moments in your life?

One Step at a Time

This is a golden lesson, a lesson in standing on our own feet that mothers teach their babies, when the tiny tots are keen to learn how to walk. This very small and simple act serves as the best illustration as to how simple things in life can be achieved.

Baby Steps!! yes :) that is what will help you to efficiently finish any task that you undertake. In the simplest of words, take one step at a time towards your goals, dreams or ambitions. One small step will take you a long way. Also it would keep you consistent on your path, since you wouldn't be too fast or too slow, you would just be in the right steady pace. A slow and gradual step towards your goal would build your self-confidence and keep you moving in the right direction without any deviations.

One step at a time has its own plus points..I have listed down the points I could ponder..

+ Motivation Making smaller commitments to yourself is easier and easy to accomplish. Once accomplished, you get the necessary motivation to keep pushing. You get the drive needed to achieve more. Say, for instance weight loss, if you lose a kilo in a month which is quite doable, you are inclined to lose more the next month. Hence one baby step at a time is quite a motivation booster.

+ Clarity Consider yourself the developer for a software product. You don't come up with the whole architecture, the whole system in a day. You brainstorm, you build upon each module, you take one step at a time. This aids in clarity of each module, how each module interconnects with each other, the functionality of each module in isolation as well as unision. See the magic of one small step at a time, helps us to think simple, implement simply, stay away from cluttered thoughts and gradually build upon.

+ Satisfaction As you look back and track your progress at each step of your journey, you will be filled with immense self-satisfaction. This satisfaction would steer you forward as you keep looking back. Every success achieved would pave the path for another.

+ Patience & Calm Focussing on one step at a time builds patience and pacifies oneself. Have you ever observed what multi-tasking leads to?? Restlessness, anxiety, stress,distraction. On the contrary, one task at a time can be nipped in the bud quickly and without much botheration, you are able to concentrate better since a single task is at hand.

Do you have any other plusses that taking one step at a time would add to?? Please do share...

While I can run, I'll run ;
While I can walk, I'll walk ;
When I can crawl, I'll crawl.
But by the grace of God, I'll always be moving forward.
Cavett Robert